Even some movies that remain among my favorites disappoint me with their adherence to the traditional Hollywood story-arche. "Eat, Pray, Love" I adore, but did her personal journey of self-discovery and healing have to end with falling in love? "Under the Tuscan Sun" did a beautiful job of showing a woman rebuilding her life and finding "family" in nontraditional ways - so why was it necessary for her to end up with a guy to be truly "happy"? Same with "Bridesmaids," also a favorite - her journey of letting go as her best friend gets married is powerful, and she didn't need to drive off with a cop at the end for it to be a good story.
All of these films disappoint me because they have so much potential to show the lives of strong, empowered women - yet without fail end up resorting to the same trite tactics; the search for romantic love and resolution with a "happily ever after". This only perpetuates the lie that women are not complete by themselves and cannot ever be happy without a man (which is also very heterosexist, by the way). It's also disappointing to me because I do not see myself in any of these movies or storylines.
You see, this heightened critique of my movie choices has mirrored a stronger stance on my singleness as I have gotten older. In college or shortly thereafter, these movies didn't bother me as much because in many ways I was still buying into this fairy tale of meeting "The One" - so could more easily place myself into these films and imagine myself falling in love and living happily ever after.
Yet the more I observed real relationships develop around me, the more I recognized the complexities of "love" outside of Hollywood. I saw, yes, the happiness that significant others bring to eachother, the love and commitment they share, the beautiful ways that these things are symbolized at their weddings - and I celebrated those. But I also saw the differences of opinion that arise, the deep ways that people who love eachother can hurt eachother, and the huge amount of time and mental and emotional energy required to invest into that kind of relationship.
And so I decided that that's not what I want. I want to be single. I have no desire to enter the dating world (online or otherwise), subjecting myself to all of the angst and awkwardness that accompanies it; nor do I particularly want a significant other, the end-goal of that process. I have lots of significant others - friends who are like family to me, who know me and care for me deeply and who are part of my everyday life. I have a life that I love - work that is meaningful and which I feel is making a difference in my small part of the world; the opportunity to be a student again as I pursue my Master's degree; a church family where I feel connected and invested; a neighborhood and city that I'm committed to; a home this is both my sanctuary and a place of hospitality. What more could a girl want?
Hollywood's answer would be "someone to share it with" - but I am rewriting the script. I am whole and complete, not lacking anything, as my friend Brooke wrote. I am happy, I am FREE! I recall a conversation with friends several years ago about what makes us most free to love. For some, it is being in a committed, romantic relationship - and for those who are or are seeking that, more power to you! For me, it is being single - free to pour my energies into loving the people in my life and doing the things I am called to do. Write a movie about that, Hollywood!
