Dear Church: Be a Place that Embraces

I entered Elizabethtown Mennonite Church with trepidation, unsure of how this process would unfold or how comfortable I would feel speaking to the question of whether Lancaster Mennonite Conference should leave Mennonite Church USA over the "issue" of homosexuality. Looking around the packed sanctuary to see a sea of white faces, gray hair and a smattering of coverings, I definitely felt out of my element.

As we began, however, I was surprised and impressed with the process for the listening session - the care taken to split several hundred people into small groups for discussion, and the sincere desire to get feedback from each person in attendance. I was the only woman in my group and definitely the youngest, and yet I was again surprised by the diversity of opinions shared. There were things that I agreed with and things that I did not, but it was an honest and respectful conversation, which I had not anticipated.

As each group leader went up to the mic to report on what was said, I was struck by a number of things. There was not at all a clear consensus - in fact, it seemed almost evenly split between those who wanted to leave and those who wanted to stay. However, I heard nearly everyone echo a commitment to Biblical values - code for defining "homosexuality" as a sin - which was the underlying assumption of those gathered. So it was not this most fundamental question that was being addressed, but rather the question of what Lancaster Conference should do to best uphold this particular Biblical understanding.

Listening to all of this, what it seemed to come down to was that those wanting to leave saw this "issue" in black and white, and felt a moral imperative to separate themselves from what they saw as a slippery slope leading them to accepting "sin". Whereas those who wanted to stay, while having this same Biblical understanding, also recognized that we will never agree on everything and in fact diversity and differences of opinion are a positive thing. They were willing to live in the tensions, and felt that there is value in holding onto unity amidst differences - focusing on what brings us together rather than what separates us.

On the question at hand - to leave or not to leave - I would fall in the latter category...as you might imagine, I am all about living in the tensions and seeing shades of gray. And as Pastor Tom has articulated so well in past sermons, harmony in the midst of differences is truly a powerful thing for a church to embody. However, to be honest I don't know what the best direction for Lancaster Conference is, because I take issue with the fundamental assumption that everyone in that room was operating on.

My vision for Church - not just Lancaster Conference or MC USA, but the Body of Christ - is to be a place that is openly accepting and affirming of LGBTQ people; that rejects a reading of Scripture which labels the identities people are born with as "sin," and instead holds to a Biblical understanding which embraces people of all sexual orientations and gender identities as created by God and equal in every way. 

I would venture to say that all of us long to be seen and embraced for who we are. If there is any place where that should be true, it is Church. Pastor Tom often says that "confession" is naming who we are and what we bring. None of us want to be defined solely by any one of our identities - we want to be seen as whole people. Yet neither do we want to feel that we must hide any piece of ourselves out of fear that we might be rejected. So please, Church, be the place where we can bring our whole selves - and be loved and embraced for all of who we are.

My "Love One Another" t-shirt from the Human Rights Campaign.

Safe Spaces

How do we create safe spaces in the Church for people to be who they are? This is something that's been on my mind a lot lately, specifically in relation to the LGBT community. Many denominations, including the Mennonites, have been in upheaval around the issue of whether and to what extent people who identify as lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgender are welcome in our church communities.

Sadly, neither of the two churches of which I am currently a part openly welcome the LGBT community. One church is certainly more progressive, with many people who believe strongly in embracing these sisters and brothers of ours. However, it is constrained by the dictates of Lancaster Mennonite Conference, and more importantly by a wide range of views on the issue within the congregation, including those who would oppose welcoming this community.

However, in this church there are safe spaces to talk about it, one of which came when a group of us went to Landisville Mennonite Church several weeks ago to see Ted & Company's presentation of "Learning to Play: A (Timely) Conversation about Sexuality & the Church." The genesis of this event was to create exactly such a space - to inject humor and heart into a topic that can be very divisive, and open up an opportunity for honest conversation. It was brilliantly performed, as we saw this "issue" through the eyes of a parent who wrestles with his son's coming out, and the mixed messages he receives from the Church. 

In the "talk-back" that followed in the packed sanctuary, people haltingly came to the mic to share their reflections - in bits and pieces giving us a glimpse of what an honest conversation could be. And in our own "talk-back" at a local restaurant afterwards, we asked "what does this mean for OUR church? How do we take this back?" Although united in the belief that as a church we should be welcoming ALL people and affirming their God-given identities, how do you start that conversation amidst other priorities, pending transitions and anticipated push-back? Would bringing this up create a rift that couldn't be bridged? Yet how can we remain silent?

Ironically, silence is exactly the strategy I have been using at the other church I belong to in order to create a safe space for these same conversations. Maybe that sounds contradictory, but in this much-more-conservative ex-Mennonite congregation, I have endured many-a-sermon railing against "homosexuals" as sinners who are going to hell, without feeling like I can say anything because those who remain in the church hold those beliefs and would not be moved. 

However, my silence on this topic with the larger congregation has enabled me to create a safe space with a smaller group within the congregation - and we have just finished several weeks of looking together at what the Bible really says (and doesn't say) about "homosexuality" and the LGBT community. The agitator in me is tempted to ignite this conversation with the rest of the church, and take whatever fall-out will come with it. But I know that breaking my silence with the larger church will also destroy the safe space that we have created - and that is too high a price to pay.

It hate that this is a choice I face at all - but even as I feel silenced, I know that it is nothing compared to all of the LGBT people in churches across the nation who must hide or deny who they are in order to remain accepted. Who must hear over and over again condemnation and hate directed towards them - and told that it is from God! Who must choose between their identity and their spirituality, with either choice causing a part of them to die inside.

What kind of a messed-up Body of Christ are we? We are supposed to be a place of refuge, of healing and hope, unconditional love and acceptance - and instead we are the ones inflicting such deep wounds onto our LGBT sisters and brothers, people created in the image of our God. We must repent and truly embody who God is calling us to be - a Church that will "do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God" (Micah 6:8). This is an opportunity to practice true "harmony," found not the absence of conflict, but in the coming together across differences - with a healthy dose of grace. Are we up to the task, Church? Do we have the humility and courage to do it?

For Additional Reflection & Exploration...

• Incredibly helpful and well-researched booklet entitled "What the Bible Says - and Doesn't Say - about Homosexuality" that examines each passage within its cultural and historical context. The $3 is well worth it!
• Insightful (although dated) documentary "For the Bible Tells Me So" powerfully illustrates the Church's negative impact on LGBT people by following several families as they respond to their children coming out, and examines what the Bible actually says on this issue. Can be rented on YouTube for $2.99.
• Video featured on the It Gets Better website of a lesbian woman sharing her story of growing up in the Church and being rejected for being gay, coming to reconcile her identity with her faith and ultimately becoming a pastor creating safe spaces for others in the Church.
• Music Video for "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, which powerfully speaks to this as an issue of equality, and calls out the Church for its role in oppression of the LGBT community.
• TED Talk called "50 Shades of Gay" that features an LGBT woman who uses her story and her photography to put thousands of human faces on what is often treated as an impersonal "issue".