V-Day

I've never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day - at least not since I was a kid. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my mom when I was young and making loads of "Valentines" with red paper and doilies to send to friends far and near. It was exciting at that time - a way to send symbols of love across the miles. I also remember learning about its origins - how it was named after St. Valentine, a martyred Roman saint - a piece of history certainly not broadcast by Hallmark.

However, in 3rd grade I started to understand what Valentine's Day was really about. In my class we all exchanged "Valentines," as is the elementary school tradition, but there was talk flying around among the girls about who got the biggest Valentines from the boys. I was never one of the girls that boys paid a lot of attention to, so that was my first inkling that this was really what the holiday came down to.

And now, almost 20 years later, very little has changed. At work, there's a buzz among the women about who's getting flowers and chocolates delivered from their husbands or boyfriends. People compare plans for the evening - ordering a pizza and watching a movie at home, or getting all decked out for a nice dinner.

Although I have been secure in my singleness for quite a while now, this Valentine's Day made me ask the question that often comes up. What are the rest of us, chopped liver? For those who don't have a significant other, why is there an entire holiday that excludes us? Because that's how I felt, excluded.

Sure, people say that Valentine's Day is an opportunity to tell the people you care about that you love them no matter what your relationship status - and I usually try to do that in some manner or another. But really, the whole purpose is to exalt this idea of romantic love - and romantic love only. That is communicated very clearly in the commercials, advertising, cards - and certainly Hallmark et al are playing it up to make a huge profit, creating this expectation of doing something (and buying something) special for your "honey".

Let me be clear - I do not need flowers and chocolates and some fancy night out to feel loved, although I like those things as much as the next person. And my life is certainly full and complete without a significant other - but I take issue with a holiday that communicates to me the opposite. I dislike being told that I "need" some guy to give me these things in order to have a "good" Valentine's Day - the subtle implication that being single is not good enough; that my life by itself it not worth celebrating.

So the next time someone gets the bright idea to create a holiday in honor of a death saint to celebrate love, let's make an effort to celebrate ALL the kinds of love rather than just this one narrow definition. Let's make "love" something that truly reaches and encompasses everyone, rather than leaving some of us out in the cold.